i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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