One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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