You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
