Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
