there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
