I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's the barista slut.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize