She's JV to your varsity
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
