maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
