I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
