ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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