when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
