i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
