How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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