sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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