U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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