i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
