At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
