a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The feeling are messing with the penis
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
