I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
