I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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