We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
