okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
