ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
