Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
