i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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