I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
