i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
