The maid of honor just puked.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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