Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
