sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
