so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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