Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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