I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
