There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
