Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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