The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
