I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
