i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
