I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize