Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
