he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
