You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize