toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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