i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
