Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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