She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
