i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
