I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
