Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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