She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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