Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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