Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
