i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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