I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
