We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Randomize
