I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
