The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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