I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
