your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
