Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I need moral support for this bender
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
