definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
