Got a toothbrush?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
