my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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