you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
