Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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