we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
