i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize