the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize