My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
