Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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